Racial prejudice and injustice — what do we tell our kids?

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Yet again in the last few days we have been a series of painful events. And just as before — after every racially motivated incident goes viral, after every senseless murder becomes public, we hear the calls for empathy, fairness and equality in our society. We hear the calls for eradicating the systemic prejudices and injustice. And then we wait — for the ‘system’ to change, for the ‘system’ to be fixed. As if we are mere spectators of the system, not part of it. The reality is that this system is made of millions of people, like us. We are part of the system. In fact, we are the system. It’s only by addressing race and prejudice at home, at work and within our communities can we change the system. So, we must start with ourselves, with examining our own behaviors, actions and inactions. And as parents we have a higher responsibility.

As parents it’s crucial to educate our next generation to empathize with those different than us and understand the prejudice garnered by those differences. And teach them to use their privilege to amplify the unheard voices.

Many parents think sheltering their children from conversations about race, prejudice and injustice is the ‘safe’ approach. Some think it’s not their fight, others feel uncomfortable speaking about the current events to their children. Just know that avoiding the uncomfortable or not giving much thought to the prevailing injustice is a privilege you and your children have, one that many people of color, specially the African American community does not.

Intentionally or inadvertently by neglecting race and racial prejudice you are negating the reality and becoming part of the problem.

With today’s connectivity and mediums even young children are bound to hear about highly publicized incidents such as the death of George Floyd — either through TV, radio or overhearing other adults. Children are sensitive to their parent’s mood, if parents are upset by the news, or are reacting to it, the child will sense it. In the case of per-teens/ teens with ubiquitous devices and social media access, they are likely to see images, videos / news on their own.

Whether your kids are younger or older, parents’ silence could lead children to their own and perhaps faulty conclusions about what is going on and why it’s happening.

In that regard here are a few things for parents to consider when speaking to your kids about what’s happening across the country:

1. Explain the racial injustice and brutality seen in the case of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and many more in the last few months and years. Lay out the foundation for racial awareness and new behaviors of equality and equity.
2. Enable your children to acknowledge and empathize with the anger, pain and fear felt by the black community across the country.
3. Discuss the protests as a means of voicing dissent and a right each citizen has. Bring historic perspectives of protests, such as the Boston Tea Party of 1773 and Civil Rights protests of 1950’s and 1960’s. As Barrack Obama pointed out that the protests are meant to make public aware and put a spotlight on the injustice, making those in power uncomfortable, edging them for reform. “Throughout American history, it’s often only been in response to protests and civil disobedience that the political system has even paid attention to marginalized communities.” Barack Obama
4. You don’t have to omit the mention of violence that has erupted in major cities during the protests. Nor do you have to feel you are glorifying violence by defending the right to protest. It is pertinent to point out, when large gatherings take place few people can seize the opportunity to loot and plunder. That should neither stigmatize protests, or the cause behind the protests, nor the protestors who are voicing their dissent at the loss of human life and injustice.
5. Talking to your kids about police brutality, is not going to create fear in them when it’s an age appropriate conversation. While it’s important to point out that not every member of the police force around the country is bound to kill an innocent black person, we have to assert that some do. For certain colored communities, specifically black community it is an everyday reality. This is important for your kids to understand, even if they might be privileged enough to not have to worry about it. Because their actions might put a black person in danger, as in the case of Amy Cooper. No matter how difficult you think talking about police brutality is. Just remember as a non-black parent you have it easy. You don’t need to have the ‘talk’ with your adolescent boys—preparing them for a possible future police encounter, one that you hope they will survive.
6. Show your children the way to reach out to their African American neighbors, friends, classmates who are anxious, fearful and hurting from the recent event. Explain how acknowledging their pain might seem like a small gesture but emotional support goes a long way in easing fear and healing pain.

Beyond the headlines and this period of mourning, for the long-term future of your children, for the communities across the country, we need to eradicate the social injustice by raising antiracists. Building empathy and compassion in young children and young adults. A sense of fairness and equality, and an ability to include those whose lives and realities are different than theirs. Building these skills and capacities takes time, patience, and a lot of parental dedication and guidance. Above all, it takes commitment to create a world where no innocent life is lost because of the color of their skin.

Let’s do this. Let’s raise the next generation of pluralist citizens.

Sources:

Tatum, Beverly Daniel. (2003). Why are all the Black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?:and other conversations about race. New York: Basic Books

Kendi, I. X. (2019). How to be an antiracist. First Edition. New York: One World

American Psychological Association. Talking to kids about discrimination. https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/kids-discrimination

Shahid, Hina. (2018). Preventing Extremism: A Design-led Approach to Building Resilience. (Unpublished master’s thesis). Savannah College of Art and Design, Savannah.